Messy Mind

I will love you, but not in pieces. I refuse to let my love be fed to you in drops, little by little and bit by bit. I refuse to hold myself back and stop myself from giving too much, because the point of love itself is to be too much. Too much for the rational thoughts of a human’s soul. Too much for the emotions of a human’s mind. Love drives even the sanest of people over the cliff and saves the craziest of people from the edge.


If love is the ocean, ice cold in the dead of winter and raging with the storm yet to come, then I will not allow you to step in toe by toe, to feel the water inch by inch. I will be the wind that throws you into the highest wave. I will be the current pulling you back under a second after you reach the surface. I will not let you give up on love just because it is not easy; with me it was never going to be.


I will give you everything I have, all at once. I will watch you try to sift through the forgotten treasures of my mind. I will watch you fall deeper and deeper into the quicksand of my heart and get tangled in the vines from the jungles that pollute my thoughts.

I will wait until you give up trying to organise the mess that is me. I will wait until you show me the mess that is you.




The darkness brings the cold with it, and all the blankets in the world couldn’t keep my chattering heart warm. I am frozen. Ice in my veins, in my chest, in my head. My fingertips turn blue and this time I cannot simply run them over your fiery skin to warm them up. Crystal tears freeze halfway down; purple lips crack when they part to whisper your name. I am frozen, retreating into a ball of myself, curled around my heart in the hopes of somehow keeping that part of me alive. 
But I fail. 

The ice stems from the root of my arteries, pumped out in shards across my arms, my lungs, my legs, my head. The pain of being torn apart by my own blood is unbearable. It hurts to move and so I don’t. I lie here. Frozen. 


Things got infinitely more complicated after I met him. 

The world I was happy with before suddenly ceased to exist. Now I had to be happy with him in it. He didn’t join my world, he changed it. Now we live in another world, neither his nor mine, but ours. It will always be ours. No matter what happens. He sees through me like I’m glass. I can’t hide. And I don’t want to. I’m so comfortable around him, even though it’s a new thing. I feel like he’s been with me through most things, and I find myself wishing that he was.

But he’s here with me now, and so I am happy in our little world. 

Your Future or Ours

Where are you? The question runs through my mind almost constantly as I shove past people to get past the crowd. My plane is boarding. My bags are packed. Of course, you don’t have to be here. It’s not you that’s getting on a plane to Mexico…. But still I’d like you here. Something inside me hopes you’ll come, even though I doubt you will. 

I think back to last night. We fought. I can’t remember what it was about. There were a lot of tears, and a lot of yelling. At some point you threw a pillow. It knocked me against the wall with the force you’d thrown it with. Then suddenly you were there, making sure I was okay as I crumpled to the floor in tears. I had to leave. Had to get out of there. So I told you I’d be here tomorrow… told you to come if you wanted to see me again. Told you that if you didn’t we’d be over. 

So what’s preventing you from coming? Perhaps you want it to be over. But I doubt it. You still nursed a scratch I’d gotten from a nail in the wall after I told you that. You still cared. Tried to make me feel better, tried to make me take it back. So soft, so gentle.

So I search for other reasons… what have I missed? The realization strikes like a blow to the face as I realize what I’ve done. You have the meeting today. The meeting with The CEO of some or other big-shot fishing company. The meeting that could change your life forever. Our lives forever. I’ve given you a choice between your future and ours…. 

And then I see you. You’ve chosen us, it seems. Because here you are….

Falling Together

It’s not as if I don’t recall how you used me. How you played with my feelings for those few weeks, and how broken you left me.

I recall these things perfectly.

But, I also remember the taste of your lips. The fit of your hand over mine. I remember your eyes, and how I saw in them pieces of myself, of my pain.

And now you’re here, your eyes once again meeting mine, and looking past me, into something deeper. I look away. But you’re still there. We both know it. Just like we both know that I’ll look back. And I do. And this time your eyes spark with your smile, and I give in, letting myself disappear for a moment into a world where it’s just us.

You remind me, after all these years, why love is the most cherished human emotion.

There is something to be said for those who walk hand-in-hand, arm-in-arm, centre stage in one another’s lives. Those who walk at a slow, steady pace towards the cliff of love, and lower one another down on ladders so they may reach the bottom in one piece.

But we were never like that. And I have never been like that.

There is no feeling I love more than sprinting off the edge of that cliff, wrapped in a lover’s kiss and knowing, without a doubt, that I’ll hit the bottom and I’ll hit it hard. But also knowing that I definitely wont hit it alone. That when the time comes for this love to end, I won’t be the only one left shattered on the chasm floor.

So I get lost in those eyes of yours, and I let you wrap me in your kiss.

And once again, we sprint towards the edge of the cliff.



The moonlight mixed with the occasional yellow glow of a street lamp. The road was rough, but she held his head steady in her hands as they drove on. His legs curled across the seat on the far side of the car, his head cradled in her lap. The moonlight reflected off of his bleach blonde hair, the street lights turning his face bright. She could just make out the curve of his lips, and she traced them with hers. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly, and he squeezed her hand. Leaning down to his ear, her hair brushing his cheek, she whispered “I love you, baby.” He grunted in approval. She smiled. She knew he loved her. What else would cause him to be so at ease in her arms? He drifted back into his dreams, and she studied his face. All the crevices and cracks, all the lines that formed when he was thinking, they had vanished. He was peaceful. Relaxed. Younger. The boy that had been forced into a man so early shrunk back into the sixteen year old he was. Her fingers traced patterns along his cheek, tickling the stubble that formed there. She looked out the window, saw the glowing lights of the city as they zipped past. But she couldn’t help herself. She turned back to the boy. He was beautiful. Perfect. And she didn’t deserve him, though he’d argue that fact. He was more than she deserved. Out of her league. The thought made her laugh, shaking the boy a little. She shushed him back to sleep and continued her patterns on his cheek.   

Light & Shadows

The light danced in spirals across the ballroom. It curtsied and bowed, waved and smiled. “You really should teach me to dance sometime. You are magnificent,” came a voice from the corner. From the shadows. 

The light spun hurriedly, searching for the intruder. 

“Don’t bother looking. I cannot be seen. I cannot be heard. I cannot be felt.” 

The light straightened up and composed itself. 

“Brother,” it breathed, “it’s been such a long time.” 

“Same to you, sister. Tell me, how’s Mum?” 

“You know very well how mum is, seeing as you were the last person to see her.”

“Its funny how people always assume the worst of me. Mum’s fine. Just… resting.” 

“Alright, come out now.” 

The shadow swarmed from a corner and gathered together, taking the shape of a human. But a human made from shadow, wearing a robe of shadow.

“Now you, Dawn,” he said. 

The light flowed into a graceful woman draped in a golden dress.

“Why have you come here, Shade?” Dawn asked the shadow. 

“Using my name now, are we?” Shade retorted.

“Why have you come here?” demanded Dawn.

“I’ve come for the child, if you must know,” sighed Shade.

“Jamie? Why? What use could you have of the child?” 

“So nosey lately. Mustn’t get in over our heads, now, sister.”

“Over my head? That child is my responsibility and you won’t set a foot near him!” Dawn roared.

Shade flashed her a wicked grin and vaporized. 

“Shit!” Dawn cursed before following suit – vanishing. 

The child – Jamie – lay sleeping. He barely noticed the dark shadow dashing across the room. He didn’t even blink an eye when the shadow took him from his crib, or when he was suddenly thrown back into it when a blinding light flashed into the room. He just slept. And dreamed.